i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
