i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
