the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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