we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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