I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
