Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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