May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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