I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
