ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I touched a dick in church today
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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