Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He did a backflip because drugs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
