I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
