You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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