Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
