i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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