Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
