on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
