Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
