I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
