Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
