You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life is pants optional.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
