i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
