I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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