Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
