Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
