There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
