3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
