I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
