3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
