STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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