Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
