So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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