Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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