Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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