dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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