I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
