please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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