since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
