And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
