hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
