Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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