Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
