Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
