At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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