It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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