Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
