ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
