she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
