I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
