i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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