I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
