If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
