when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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