I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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