you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
