found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
